Masuphobia
by Bucking Frilliance
Summary: What happens when three bland girls meet three cool boys? A oneshot filled randomness and Mary Sueness comes about, that's what. Complete.


I know I said that _Magic Learning Time_ was on hiatus until I publish the first chapter of my first story on Fiction Press, but, like, I didn't want you guys to think I suddenly dropped off the face of the Earth…so I made a quick one-shot concerning Mary Sues and the malevolence that lurks, stalks, and haunts them in their uninspired, freakish, and just plain annoying souls.

All the characters here are © to Cartoon Network. So, _please,_ **no flames about any Nickelodeon, Disney or other non-CN-owned cartoons not featured in the story.** The only things that I own are the plot, and the three Mary Sues in the story. No touchy! Thank you. **The end may not be suitable for the little kids and faint at heart types. **Much like _Toonslayer_,** read at your own risk. **

Enjoy it, reader! (**P.S. – The story's exceedingly random, totally **_**not**_** for serious people**.)

* * *

One brilliant sunny day, three boys were walking on the beach along the bright, clear, luminous, glimmering and numerous other adjectives for shiny, shore of Leaky Lake. The first boy was a Brazilian Spider Money, and his name was Lazlo. He had well groomed orange fur, expressive brown eyes, was currently wearing a Bean Scout uniform, and is in general just a happy little dude. The second boy was actually an imaginary friend, with the name of Blooregard Q. Kazoo, but everyone calls him Bloo. His appearance is simple, since he's basically a blue blob. The third and final boy was the only human in the group, and his name was Mac. He has a huge square head, with messy brown hair, was wearing a red shirt with a white undershirt, khakis, black and white sneakers, and a moss green backpack. 

Yup, it a fine day, until, they saw three girls, laying on the shore, unaware that their lives were going to be changed…_forever_. (Did I say "forever"? I meant until they get bored.) The three girls were all sopping wet, their eyes closed, either fast asleep, or lifeless. They were all perfectly attractive, so much they can top Miss Universe in a heartbeat. The boys just gawked like brainless dumb-asses at them, which they knew was impolite, but didn't seem to give a second thought about that.

"OMG!1!!" Bloo yelled, pointing at the girls, unaware he just used internet slang for "Oh my God" (or gosh, or anything else starting with the letter "G") and yelled out the number one, "dead hotties!"

"They're not dead, y'know!" Mac said to Bloo, looking over a human girl his age that looked Goth, with the classic-but-stereotypical pasty white skin, blue eyes, small body frame, black hair in a swirly ponytail, wrinkled light gray shirt with baggy dark gray cargo pants, black army boots, dark purple lipstick and lilac-ish eye shadow. "You can hear them breathe!"

"…Oh." Was the response from Bloo, as he looked over the girl in the middle (an imaginary friend, although she resembles a freaky dog hybrid of a Dalmatian and a Great Dane). The girl has the most eye-hurting pink fur you could ever picture in your mind, with black spots on her ears, which were long and droopy, a long, slender and curvy tail, and a yellow-furred belly. If her eyes were open, the most beautiful grass green would be seen. Her fangs were absolutely straight, and could cut things like tissue if she wanted. She also had mauve-colored wings on her back, similar to an angel's. She was the same exact height as Bloo. _Exact_, I tell you. **Exact**!

Soon enough, Lazlo got the courage to look at the last girl on the far right. She was a Persian cat that had light brown fur, with dark brown hair, and-if her eyes were open- hazel eyes. She was wearing the typical Squirrel Scout uniform. She was the first to wake up. The minute she was Lazlo leaning close into her face, mainly to wallow in her "beauty" (ugh), she screamed loudly. He did, too. In two seconds flat, the Goth human and imaginary friend woke up as well, only to see Bloo and Mac in the faces, causing them to scream as well. They did, too. There you have it, folks; six screaming retards. (Well, the girls were.)

The cat girl stopped screaming first. After Lazlo had calmed her down, he asked, "What's your name?" The cat girl looked at her two companions, who were asked the same question by Mac and Bloo at the same time, as luck would have it. Ho-hum.

"OK," The cat girl said after an awkward silence, brushing sand out of her "pretty" fur, "my name is Apple McTooty."

The Goth girl said, "I'm Vendetta O'Handler."

The dog-like imaginary friend said, "I'm, lyke, Darla Darlene Dolly Dandy teh Imaginary, lol, k??"

About three seconds later, an unknown voice said, "WTF?" in the background.

All three boys just stood there, staring, as well as the girls. Apple (also known as "Mary Sue Number One") decided to break the ice, and asked, "My goodness, I'm hotter than the Sun out here. Do you guys mind if you can fetch us girls a couple of sodas?"

All three boys did an army-like salute and walked off, becoming OOC (out of character) as they discussed who the hottest girl was. Apple said to Vendetta ("Mary Sue Number Two") and Darla ("Mary Sue Number Three"), "This is goin' great! What should we do now, since got them under our beautiful, dainty, well manicured thumbs?"

"Liek, I dunno1!" Darla shouted, using internet slang, since her creator liked instant messaging so much when he or she made Darla, they made her speak internet. She turned to Vendetta and asked, "Wat do U theenk, grlpal?!shift!"

Vendetta motioned the other two to huddle up, ala American football, so she can tell them in secret. "I say we pull a diminutive ruse on the dense imbeciles," she whispered.

Apple simply nodded in agreement, but Darla had to ask, "WTF iz a 'diminooteeve roos'?!"

Vendetta replied, "It means 'little trick'."

To which Darla snapped, "Don't sei it liek I'm an n00b!" Apple rolled her eyes in the back of her head. She yelled to the girls, "The boys are comin' back now! Get into position!"

The girls sat back in their original spots, and as the boys walked over with a twelve pack of soda, Vendetta burst into fake tears. Only Mac noticed this, and asked, "Vendetta, what's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing," the whiny Goth replied, "I was just reminded of my horribly terribly dramatically badly awfully horribly odd-but-emo tragic past!"

"You said 'horribly' twice," Lazlo pointed out.

"'Cuz it is!!" Vendetta yelled, hammering her fists into the sandy Leaky shore, quickly covering her face with her hands. While her face was covered, an evil grin was present.

"Shall I tell the tale, Venny?" Apple questioned, and ever-so-upset Vendetta simply nodded. "She sez 'yea', aPple," Darla added, stating the obvious.

Apple cleared her throat and said, "'The Tale of Vendetta O'Handler' begins with her baby years. She was born into a wealthy, happy, astonishing family. Being the youngest, with…oh, I dunno, maybe two brothers older than her, she was spoiled rotten, but wasn't a brat in the least. It _all_ changed…when her family went broke. For some reason, and I'm assuming the 'New Deal' one of the old presidents of the United States of America made during the Great Depression suddenly dropped out of existence for one day, and came back the next, along with the family fortune, Vendetta's family went soft in the head for only one day, but they never changed back. Vendetta's mom Gloria practically moved into their local shopping mall for hot but cheap designer fashions, and didn't exactly give two whoops about her only daughter, or the sons."

"Tat's meen, har momma's a God damn weirdo," Darla blurted out. The she covered her mouth with her paws. Since this wasn't really Vendetta's true life (she certainly was rich, but she sure as shit wasn't a Goth), she didn't say a word about the insult, but Big Ol' Square Head came to her rescue.

"Oh, shut up," Mac said to Darla, unknowingly (at first) defending his "crush", and having a sudden but nasty mood swing.

Bloo then yelled to Mac, "You dare insult the first greatest thing next to paddleball?!"

Darla just stared and said, "U theenk I'm purty??" (Blech…typical OOC-ness and a Mary Sue. In all seriousness, the blob only cherishes paddleball and its straightforward fun, not a pink and black angel Great Dane/Dalmatian hybrid Imaginary Friend thing. **Gosh**.)

Before Bloo could respond positive, pull an engagement ring out of the sky, propose to our Great Dalmatian Dane, and have an expensive wedding ceremony that'll not only last a lifetime, but send Foster's spiraling into a never-ending poverty, Apple interrupted and said, "_Along with the story_. After Gloria had turned to a bargain hunter, Carl, Vendetta's dad -had turned into an alcoholic. Her two older brothers, Harold and James- otherwise known as Harry and Jimmy respectively- tried their best to protect Venny from her father. Harry wound up in the hospital after getting hit in the head with a beer bottle. At this time, Venny's mom had snapped back into reality, and tossed Venny's dad into rehab for him to get over drowning his sorrows."

"Than wat?" Darla asked.

Vendetta decided to end the story once and for all by adding, "I got so sick of that time in my life so I ran away. My mom found me a month later, so she made me come to Prickly Pines to get over it. Period. The end."

Lazlo was silently crying to himself during the whole story, not knowing it was a load of steaming shit on a stick. He rushed up to Vendetta abruptly, hugged her tightly, and wailed like a baby. Vendetta herself looked at him with disgust. Mac's sudden mood swing and seeing the monkey boy hug his new found crush, turned for the worst. He yelled a shrill battle cry, and the minute Lazlo broke the hug, Mac leaped on top of him, and gave him fistfuls of rage. Apple gasped dramatically, and tried to break them up, only for Mac to unintentionally kick her in the face, causing her to blow her stack. Vendetta, Darla and Bloo just stared. Darla thought this might bee a good chance to have Bloo fall under her control, so she playfully slapped him on the rear end. His turned into a fire engine red. (Hooray for rhymes!) Vendetta just groaned. Finally the fight had ended, with Mac being the winner. Lazlo, however, now had a black eye, and some ripped out fur. Apple didn't have much damage. The evil cat girl had only a stinging arm and knee. She pointed a claw in Mac's face, and quickly did an eye squint in a hushed threat. She and the monkey boy walked off to Nurse Leslie's.

* * *

"I'm so sorry he attacked you," Apple said, faking her sadness. Normally, she would've beaten both boys' asses and blasted them both into Oblivion (not the video game, of course. I meant a void of hurt) had she not wanted to take over their souls with her charms.

Lazlo looked at her, and said, "No, that's OK. I think he has a crush on What's-Her-Name." "Vendetta," Apple replied.

"Oh, okay, Vendotty's her name, right?" Lazlo asked, mispronouncing Vendetta's name. Apple just giggled cutely. Meanwhile…a certain someone was watching them, behind the trees and poison ivy bushes, with binoculars.

Well, that's just about enough about the mystery person. Now we get back to Mac, Bloo, Darla and Vendetta. Mac had just settled down, taking deep, long breaths of air.

Vendetta asked, "Why'd you attack him?"

Mac simply replied, "I don't want to talk about it now, Venny."

Bloo decided to butt in by asking, "You have a_ crush_ on her, don'tcha?"

Mac said quickly, "_No_."

Vendetta thought it was best to stay out, as well as Darla. A faint stomach growl was heard. It was Darla's. "I'm **huuuuuungry**, guyz," was all she had to comment.

"Let's go eat," Bloo suggested, and away to the mess hall they went. Anyway, soon after Lazlo and Apple got their medicine and whatnot, the two headed over to the mess hall as well, at the same time as the other four. They all went to the line to get their lunch, which was macaroni 'n' cheese, ironically. (Do I need to explain_ that_ one?!) The second they sat down, Mac said to Lazlo, "I'm really sorry I fought you. I don't know what got into me. Really."

Lazlo said with a "Yes" head bob, "That's fine; each one of us get a little angry at times."

At this point, the mystery person snuck into the mess mall, and went over to Chef McMeusli, and ordered one of everything without looking at the choices. The goat chef's eyes boggled out of his head. "_Everything_?" The mystery person nodded their head and got a plate full of food. The minute the scout had lifted half of their ninja-like (no, not Naruto. I shudder at the thought) mask off its face, its mouth and nose showed. It was long, to say the least. It took a few glances looking at the group of six. While eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, it thought to itself, _I must find out what that wretched cat girl is doing near __my__ Lazlo! _It had been obvious the mystery ninja person was none other than Patsy Smiles. The minute she saw Lazlo, Mac and Bloo walking on the shore of Leaky Lake, the Lazlo-detector she built herself into her butt was going off, so she took a peak. The minute Apple told Lazlo about herself, Patsy knew it was her duty to be a spy, ignoring the fact that it was equally creepy and rude in unison. She didn't worry about Mac, Bloo and their Mary Sues (second rhyme!) one tad. It was an all-out snoop mission on Apple.

**Now, thanks to a deus ex machina (for Apple) and karma, it's going to work its famous job on Patsy.**

Accidentally, she stuck a fork full of macaroni 'n' cheese in her mouth. And if you ever saw the _Camp Lazlo_ Invaded episode, you know what's going to happen. (A/N: The following has a potential spoiler for those who haven't seen Strange Trouts from Space/Cheese Orbs. Shield your eyes!)

Her stomach felt woozy. Her legs felt wobbly for some reason. Red, itchy bumps appeared onto her skin. Her eyes were bugging out of their sockets. Her head swelled up. Her neon-pink hair was now frizzy and all over the place. From now on, her speech was somewhat garbled. You might be thinking, "Whoa. How'd that happen in one second?" Well, the answer is simple: **Patsy is allergic to cheese**. And since she ate macaroni 'n' cheese on mistake…it's very self-explanatory. Her head was so big, that it destroyed the mask and it turned to shreds. She was trying to escape by rushing out, but she was already discovered. When she got up to run, she fell and her head rolled toward out main six like a bowling ball.

"_Patsy_?" Lazlo asked, raising an eyebrow. Bloo screeched like a pansy girl and ducked under the table. Mac was frozen with fear. So was Darla. Vendetta quickly grabbed a plastic butter knife (the most evil of them all) and bellowed, "Don't take a step near me! Or be butter knife'd!" (Le gasp. Homestar Runner.)

The mutant mongoose tried to respond to her dream boyfriend, but screamed at the sight of the butter knife. Seriously, those things are badass.

**

* * *

**

**MEANWHILE…**

"C'mon," an angry girl's voice said, "do we _have_ to do this?"

"Why not?" a nasally sounding voice asked. "We promised to Patsy we would."

"Ugh."

This pair of voices belongs to Gretchen and Nina, in that order. The alligator and giraffe were two of Patsy's best friends. They had promised that they would do something distracting in case anything not according to plan happened. Since Patsy's now suffering an awful allergic reaction, which was undoubtedly not a part of the snoop plan, they have to do something distracting in order for Patsy to run away. That's very simple, eh?

Gretchen muttered, "She shoulda at least pick out a more decent costume next time." She was saying this as she was slipping on a costume. It was as yellow as her hair, which was hidden in the costume.

"And less irritable music," Nina said in response as she put a music disc in a portable boom-box that was currently off, "but it's her idea, not ours, Gretchen. We're just a _part_ of it, in any case."

"Yeah, yeah, I know."

All of a sudden, the two girls busted into the Bean Scouts' mess hall, Gretchen in a banana costume, and Nina playing the boom-box. As you can tell by Gretchen dressed up as a banana, the plan was to play _It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time_. Embarrassing, of course, but ever so side-splitting.

_It's Peanut Butter Jelly Time!_

_Peanut Butter Jelly Time!_

_Peanut Butter Jelly Time!_

_Where he at?_

_Where he at?_

_Where he at?_

_Where he at?_

_There he go!_

_There he go!_

_There he go!_

_There he go!_

The two girls decided to end the song, since no one had been paying any attention except Samson, who yelled, "ROCK ON!" which in turn caused the Beans to stare, and now the whole mess hall was in an awkward silence.

Soon enough, a coyote came in and howled, a few tumbleweeds rolled in, and crickets chirped.

* * *

Patsy finally got up off the floor and said to our monkey boy, and you should remember that she's having her reaction to cheese, so she may sound a little funny, "Labzlo, I wand to lat you knoiw dat I-" (If you need a translation, here's what she said: "Lazlo, I want to let you know that I", but I don't how she wanted to end the sentence.) 

All of a sudden, our three Mary Sues jumped on top of the table on which they were sitting on. Vendetta yelled, "Y'all have been _tricked_!" Of course, this has caused a misunderstanding amongst everyone, so Vendetta added, "Darla, just hit the switch."

The young freak of nature ran to a light switch, and turned it off, causing the whole mess hall to turned pitch black. There was evil chuckling heard, and Chef McMeusli screamed after a small crashing sound was heard, along with the sound of laughing and door opening and closing. The mess hall suddenly felt warmer and smellier. When the lights came back on, the reason was found: **the girls had set the kitchen on fire**.

Everyone was screaming bloody murder, as Lumpus and Slinkman entered the mess hall. "Slinkman, what's going on? Did the chef accidentally food poison everyone?" Lumpus asked with a bored tone of voice. Before Slinkman could respond (he noticed the fire, so he was still in shock), Lumpus noticed himself and yelled, "AHH! _Fire_!" Then he jumped onto Slinkman, in a style much similar to Shaggy and Scooby-Doo when one of them is too scared to move, and yelled, "Slinkman! _Hold meeee_!" With that, the two ran outside and into the scoutmaster's cabin.

On top of the mess hall sat our little villains. Apple, Vendetta and Darla were laughing at the fleeing people, throwing roasted marshmallows at their heads. Lazlo, Mac, Bloo and Patsy thankfully all managed to escape, still too frightened to even look for the Mary Sues to confront them personally. All four of them went to hide in Jelly Cabin, shivering with fear. Soon enough, the mess hall started to wobble, since the fire had destroyed some of its structure. Apple noticed this and asked, "Hey, is crappy building starting to feel-"

**BOOM!**

All off a sudden, Apple and Vendetta were lifted off the building by Darla, who was straining while holding them up in the air. The areas the girls were sitting had now collapsed into the building, letting black smoke escape. "Thank you, Darla."

Darla didn't respond back. Rather, she had a blank expression slapped on her face.

"What's wrong?" Vendetta asked her.

Then a stomach growl was heard. The two girls gasped as they noticed Darla now having a savage look on her face. She said annoyed, "U guyz gave me no food!"

"You could've eaten the marshmallows," Apple said. This made Darla even more aggravated. She noticed the bag of marshmallows sitting on top of the blazing building, unharmed, amazingly. She licked her lips and without any warning, dove towards the bag.

Her two friends screamed, "Darla, don't do this!!" When she heard Apple's voice, she flung Apple towards a tree. The cat girl hit the tree and fell towards the ground in front of it. At the same time she was about to get up and run, the tree fell down, ripping out its roots and squashed her flat like a pancake. Was she alive? Or did she kick the bucket? Who knows…

Vendetta yelled, "You're making a horrible mistake!!" Darla stopped in mid-air, and began to turn around and slowly flew towards Leaky Lake. Then she grabbed Vendetta by her hair, and starting to swing her around, and tossed her into the lake. "EEP!!"

**SPLASH!**

Vendetta was tossed so hard into the lake that she hit her head on a rock, knocking her out. Her black hair dye and white powder (to make her skin like pasty white) was washed off her body.

Back to Darla. The little psycho finally flew back to the mess hall, only to see her beloved bag of marshmallows fall into the burning place. She gasped and crashed into the mess hall, looking for the bag. She found the bag in two seconds flat, but when she began to fly out, the whole mess hall collapsed on her, still burning. The only thing she did was scream her heart out.

**THE END!**

* * *

Yeah, I'm sorry if that was a little _too_ nasty for the faint at heart people. I _did_ make a disclaimer, so no blaming. This has to be my longest story _ever_, since on Microsoft Word, **it's eight pages long**… 

Now to explain what type of Mary Sues the three girls are.

**Vendetta O'Handler**- She's what we fan-fiction writers call an **Angsty Sue**. There are actually two common versions of this, but I used the "crybaby" one. This basically means she has a tragic-filled past that makes her feel guilty about it, even thought she didn't cause it, which gives her the ability to feel bad without doing anything wrong. The character is usually persuaded by the others that it's not her fault. Sometimes they commit romanticized (which means she doesn't feel loved) suicide.

**Apple McTooty- **Apple would be classified as the **Villain Sue**. Even thought the term is only associated with Villain Sues being involved with the main villain of a show/book/movie, she did have some qualities of one. Such as trying to get on Lazlo, Mac and Bloo's good sides and telling the fake story about Vendetta. Also, notice how the boys rarely question her motives and simply accept her when she's good. That's a Villain Sue alright.

**Darla Darlene Dolly Dandy teh Imaginary**- The **Poorly Written Sue**. This means she's just your plain old Mary Sue; only she speaks in Internet Slang.


End file.
